Change and Resistance
Eldercare, the new buzz word. In Ps 90:10 we read: “The days of our lives add up to seventy years, or eighty, if one is especially strong”. Today because of the wealth of medical knowledge we are seeing this being pushed farther back. Many of our neighbors and family members are living well past this into their nineties and even to the ripe old age of 100. So what challenges does this bring? Recently in the Kindred Spirit magazine published by DTS there were a series of articles on this subject. You can read all of the issue by clicking here. Nancy Barton wrote an article entitled “Are you Aging Well Spiritually”. Her points are well taken and are noted as those often seen in the very elderly. Note how many receive checks!
1. Fear: Losing independence and losing the ability to care for oneself, losing a spouse, losing abilities to respond as one did earlier in life. (check, check, check, check!!!)
2. Relational Wounds: Loss of children’s touch and attention, pain from betrayal, slander or gossip. (check, check)
3. Physical Issues: Wrinkles, sagging skin, physical abilities declining (check, check check!!!)
4. Weariness: Been there done that mentality (check check check)
5. Attitude Issues: Complaining, grumbling, apathy. (check check check check!!!)
Lately as we face this with family members we are asking how should we respond? Again from Kindred Spirit, Dr. Jeffery Watson reminds us of two scriptures: Ex 20:12 “Honor your father and mother so you may live long” and 1 Tim 5:8 “If anyone does not provide for his relatives...he has denied the faith”. Wise counsel to the young but to the elder who is resistant at any type of change what do you do? You have talked, prayed, visited, offered assistance, hired caregivers and yet are faced with a brick wall. So it is that God provided yet another article with some sound and wise advice. “What looks like resistance is often a lack of clarity”. How true that statement is and is the stalemate many are facing. Now the next question is this: how do you make it clear to the elderly whose mental processing has been diminished due to a recent mini-stroke or heart attack or just plain aging? It seems so clear to you but to them it is “you want to take away my independence”. You have sat face to face explaining all of the issues before them, showing them options and instead only hear “I resist your help”. The article continues with this statement: The point is, often, we misinterpret resistance. We misunderstand the root of push-back and view it as negative. Yet, in reality, it can be a positive! Resistance is an opportunity to clarify our vision, our expectations, and even our hopes and dreams.
As we walk in this valley we continue with the daily constant prayer: Protect the resistant, clarify their understanding, protect them from a major crisis, open their eyes to see and feel our love, may they accept the provision for their help, remove all doubts and fears and lastly may we have wisdom to know the next step especially when the geographical distance is so great.
